Kingdom Chat Week #13: Dealing With Betrayal In Leadership
Welcome to another week in Kingdom Chat. I hope you were looking forward to it because we have an interesting subject to discuss this week. We’ll start with an opening scripture as we often do.
Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! Luke 17:1
We are all leaders in one aspect of life or another be it family, school, work, church, relationships etc. Leadership involves working in a team which is made up of individuals with different personality types. Knowing how to relate to, and manage each team member with their unique personalities, is what distinguishes a great leader from just a positional leader. As long as we deal with these unique individual personalities in a team, we must also be prepared to deal with common challenges that will arise. One of such challenges is betrayal. Jesus who is the greatest leader that ever lived and even taught the best principles of leadership faced betrayal. One of the foundational themes of the Easter season has betrayal at the center of it. If Jesus Christ as blameless as He was in every way, was betrayed and lied against, then we need to be prepared for this when it comes, because it will come irrespective of how wonderfully good or nice we think we are. In fact, it will happen because of how wonderful you are, so do not think it is always about you. Usually betrayal comes from someone whom we trust or love, that is why it is even the more painful. Jesus was betrayed with a kiss from his disciple, a close friend (Judas Iscariot) who was even the one managing his accounts – and usually we expect to trust the person administering our money.
The aim of this is not to point fingers at anyone but to stimulate a sober reflection on how to be prepared to overcome that deep, and probably uncontrollable feeling that results from betrayal. Most of us at some point in time have either betrayed someone, been betrayed, or at least felt betrayed by someone, or even betrayed ourselves. Sometimes we may think we actually deserve to betrayed may be due to our actions or inactions. Whatever the cause, God wants us to be equipped using the example of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ as a template to rise above the darkness of anger, depression, hatred, unforgiveness and sorrow that are valid feelings from the act of betrayal.
I will highlight some practical steps that are founded in scriptures to help us navigate these murky waters of betrayal. These are by no means exhaustive but I will highlight some important ones to help us keep up the discussion:
1. Let loose and let go. Understand that it is not always about you – what you did or did not do. Surrender to the sovereign will of God. Understand that nothing happens to you that is not approved by God, even when we thought we had strayed outside His will for our lives and so feel we deserve it. The scriptures imply that not a hair on our heads fall to the ground without God’s approval(Matt.10:30). It also says that. “… we know that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose.”(Romans 8:28). Joseph was betrayed by his brothers but it was all part of the plan of God to get Israelites to Egypt. Like Jesus, let us learn to surrender ourselves to the sovereign plan of God. We are only a piece of the entire puzzle of God’s eternal plan. I always remember what the bible says in John 2:24 after Jesus performed his first miracle and the people began to praise him, that Jesus did not give himself to any man because he knew what is in man.
2. Examine yourself. 1Corinthians 11:31 admonishes us to judge ourselves first so we will not be judged. True healing begins with sincerity of heart, when we are ready and willing to look at that part of us that may have exposed us to the betrayal. When we are willing to face the perhaps, ugly or hard facts around the issues that led to the betrayal. Hold off on the finger pointing, accept responsibility for your own mistakes. Remove the log in your eyes first so you can see clearly to remove the speck in the other person. You may be found out too. Examine to know: Are there areas of our character that God wants us to see or change? Have we been ignoring divine signals and blinded by our presumed successes? Have we been camping too long around a victory or relationship and now it is time to move on? Have our expectations been inappropriate or misplaced around someone or something – are we expecting too much or perhaps too little? Let go of wild opinions and examine the facts, learn about yourself else you may need to repeat the test again.
3. Acknowledge your feelings or emotions but do not give into its motivations: There is no gain living in denial of how hurt we are. Putting a bandage over a wound does not take away the pain of the wound. We are Made of earthen vessel (human flesh and emotions) and any gospel that denies that is not true. However, the bible teaches us to allow our members (body, Intellect, reason, emotions, will) to be controlled by the Holy Spirit so we can bear fruits of the Spirit. We have received the Spirit of self-control (sound mind). It is our duty to stay disciplined as good athletes or soldiers do even in the face of adversity. We do not allow the circumstances to detect how we act but we act based on proper spiritual guidance. The bible says that we can be angry but do not give in sin (Ephesians 4:26). Also says in James 1:20 that, the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Meaning if you allow yourself to act based on how these emotions motivate you to, you are highly unlikely to produce righteous results. Take some time to cool off, pray, read the scripture, speak to someone with Spiritual maturity and allow time to heal things. Learn the lessons but drain out the bitterness. Always remember, this too will pass!
4. Make the choice to forgive even before it is asked of you: Fortunately, as Christians we actually do not have that choice but to forgive for our own good. Unforgiveness is like a prison of your own making. Forgiving actually frees us more than the offender. It gives room for God to step in and heal us as well putting vengeance in God’s hands. We must realize that we are not warring against mere humans and sometimes, they really do not know what they are doing. Like Jesus prayed on the cross and even Stephen when he was stoned, we can pray for the offender. Everyone will receive a just reward for their actions like Judas did, but it must not be through your own hands or manipulation. Commit them to God and heal.
5. Refuel, Refire and Relaunch: Some people will drawback after a betrayal and some will vow not to do good to anyone again. Some may resign from the position or decide not to love anymore. However, that is exactly what the situation wants you to do – take the easy way out. But as children of God, greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world. Someone says, “when they go low, we go high”. Like Jesus, we resurrect victoriously from the pain into the glory that is set before us, when we release ourselves into God’s comforting hands. He works supernatural comfort, peace and joy in us that molds us into comforters and helpers of others who are going through same. We count it all joy, knowing that the trouble of the betrayal produced endurance (patience) which makes us complete, lacking nothing. We become instruments of righteousness, comfort and healing to the world around us. Amen!
Discussion questions
1. Have you ever felt betrayed in any position of leadership? How did you react?
2. Looking back at your life’s experiences, are there situations of betrayal that you think you could have handled better? In what way?
Please feel free to comment on any or both questions above. Do not hesitate to ask any pressing question or clarifications as you feel led to do. I look forward to your comment below.
- 4 Replies
Wow, what a practical topic for discussion and such insightful commentary. Thank you, Michael! I am reminded of a time when I was having challenges with a particular leader in my organization at work – she would make disparaging remarks about me and my work to other people but wouldn’t give me feedback directly. When I set up time to talk to her about her feedback, she was all smiles and had nothing to say! I soon realized it really wasn’t about me at all, because other people were having the same experience with this particular person.
Looking back, I wasn’t overly emotional about it at the time, but I still think I could have spent less time feeling frustrated and worried about my reputation. As you suggested, the important thing is to maintain a pure heart and posture of forgiveness, even when no apology is given! The reason this is fresh on my mind is because this same leader (I’m still working with her) called me today to apologize for a rude comment she made in a meeting we had yesterday… meanwhile, I wasn’t even offended! I think it shows that God is working in both of us.
Great! Thank you Nia for sharing your touching story with us. It is quite encouraging to see how you gracefully handled it with the person.
It is so true that we cannot control what other people do but we can choose to control how we respond them. Difficult people will be difficult and it is important not to judge ourselves by their standards. We can rise above the darkness and may be, they might just see that ray of light through us.
In my personal experience, I spent a lot of the time during a betrayal blaming myself and thinking I could have prevented it but that wasn’t helpful at all. It has happened and the only way forward is to accept what has happened and find a constructive way to build back better like you mentioned.
If I knew better back then, I would have focused on internal healing first rather than resolution. It’s when we are healed that we can heal others.
And it was comforting to know that Jesus went through the same thing so it is not about your imperfection because it would have happened if you were the most perfect person on earth.
So, the prayer should be “Lord, help me to change the things I can change and accept the things I cannot change.”
That is quite true! Thank you Pst Phil for sharing. It is important to self reflect/examine without drawing blame to oneself!
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